What’s that got to do with it?

We all make bonds, we click with some people really strongly, we look up to them, we respect them, we like them, they’re our role models and inspiration.

This starts as children, we all can remember a favourite uncle, neighbour, friends mum, teacher. But what happens if this wonderful person who we look up to, especially as a child, makes an off the cuff comment that smarts. They probably don’t even realise what they’ve said. But you’ll remember this moment for the rest of your life, it’s took the wind out of your sails and the shine off your view of that person. They made you feel vulnerable and lacking with a few small words.

My mum died when I was 3 years old and me and my brother were brought up by my paternal grandparents. We had a wonderful loving childhood, a loving family and plenty of friends. But there’s no way around it we were different. Normally this wasn’t an issue at all, especially by the time I got to secondary school. I had a great geography teacher, I loved the subject and tried hard. But one day I was called up to his desk to discuss my homework. I’d got an ‘A’. “Mmm you’ve done well” he said. “And you live with your grandparents.” I remember thinking “What’s that got to do with it?” But it was too late, the damage had been done, I felt bad….lacking.

So, today I have reached another decision point. Do I go for it and push through my fears? or do I allow this imaginary ceiling that has always stopped me strike again. I was in the Navy and never went for promotion. I was in the Police but never took my Sergeants exams, I did become a Children’s Centre Coordinator but that was only a temporary post so that seemed ok. I’ve wanted this for a long time. I know I’ve already made a difference to people but I know I’ve always hidden behind practical considerations…. I don’t know how to set it all up. But now I do so there’s no hiding. No excuses. I have to put faith in myself and let the off the cuff comment by a small minded man to a vulnerable child go. Push the limiting belief he created … that I wasn’t good enough …. away for good.

I don’t want to be on my deathbed feeling like I’ve let myself down and I am determined to counteract those limiting comments holding people back. I will be the voice of support, encouragement and positive action and shout down and replace those bad feelings with belief.

So now I have to put my own advice into action, imperfect action cos it doesn’t matter so long and I move and book that course! Failure would be to do nothing and let him hold me back again. If I try I win. If it doesn’t work out so be it but at least I tried.

I told a friend “I’m scared. What if it doesn’t work out and I can’t do it?” Her reply ….”But what if you can?” Now that opens up a wide expanse of delighted expectations just by shifting the focus 😊bring it on!

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